Need a place to hide from interstellar thugs?
Well then come on and check out the U.S. government
We've got tons of experience dealing with these issues. So why wait, give us a call, the number is
1-800-IAM-AN-ALIEN-AND-I-NEED-TO-HIDE-SOMEWHERE
Yup, that's right. For all you aliens out there who need a place to hang low for a while the United States government can help you. Why they've got years of experience, ever since the Roswell crash in 1947. See most humans believe that the government is covering up what really happened. Well they are, because we want them to. For those of you who don't know the real story I'll fill you in. Since the crash aliens from all over have been flocking to Earth to hide from their enemies. Can you blame them, just look at the accommodations the U.S. government gives them.
Just look at all the wonderful scenery. This picture is of one of the most favoured locations for aliens to hide, Area 51 at Groom Lake.
Here's a picture of the main sign-in house. (Be sure to register to get your free Angolian mints in your room every morning). See most humans think that the U.S. government has a secret operation called Project Blue Book, sure that's where all the aliens sign-in.
Look they even have a satellite dish so you can book your reservations from orbit!
While staying as guests of the U.S. government, you'll be treated to everything these punny earthlings have to offer. You say you need your appearance changed, no problem. The government has the finest plastic surgeons working for them on this. Look at the pictures below, they were taken during an actual operation to change the appearance of an alien. Hell the Fox Broadcasting Network even showed it on television, and nobody knows who the alien is now.
This is the before shot. Kind of a porker don't you think?
Uh doc, you almost finished?
I'd like to show you the final result but that alien is still hiding today so I can't.
So if you'd like to have all these comforts too then contact one of the government agencies below.
Remember if you liked your visit be sure to tell a friend!
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